Are You Leading by Example?

As the eldest child in my family, growing up, this ethos was instilled in me. It was reinforced over and over and became part of my belief system, conditioning and to an extent has shaped who I am and how I live my life now. As a child I was told I had to set a good example to my younger sisters. Looking back this has had an impact on the relationship I now have with my family. As a child I hated the thought that I would be held responsible for my sister’s behaviours, actions and that blame would be apportioned to me if their behaviour did not meet with my parent’s expectations. I found it unjust that my behaviour was the benchmark for my sisters to learn to live their lives by, and felt stifled. Not free to be myself and learn about life without this added pressure of setting a good example to my younger siblings. This form of control, conditional love and fear based values fuelled my desire to move away from the family home and live my own life, wanting to flee the feelings of being judged and feeling ashamed of who I am and fearful of making mistakes. I spent the day with Dr. Joanna Martin yesterday in London. She made me realise just how much my fear of making mistakes when leading by example had affected my ability to make some very important decisions as my business evolves. Yesterday was a powerful turning point for me and now have the certainty I was searching for. I can look back as an adult and parent myself, and understand my parents teaching, I do not judge them and thank them, and have let go of the 18 years of conditioning that did have an affect on how I interacted with my siblings and indeed my parents. I am now at peace with this affect and have found value in the teaching of leading by example and applied it to my life in a more positive way.

I have passed this ethos onto my own children but removed the fear and responsibility that was attached to it when I was a child. I have empowered them to live their lives to the best of their ability and discussed with them that there are perhaps more enriching ways to live life, but ultimately it is up to them to decide what is best for themselves. I have not attached conditions to their learning or how they live their lives. They are free to make mistakes, and take lessons from these and are able to talk about them with me, as my love comes with no conditions. I am proud they do come to me and talk about their challenges. Today as I look into my garden right now, they are all home with their partners. I encourage them to come together regularly. I love these precious moments as we chat and catch up on life.

How are your behaviours affecting your children whatever age they are? Does your love come with conditions? How often do you visit your children, call them, tell them you love them, invite them to dinner and encourage them to share precious moments? Are you leading by example yourself?